Talk with Lia


I’m writing this next post out of the overwhelming therapy calls that I have been getting from husbands wanting help with their marriages. Most of these guys are not adulterers or abusers; they are just good people who have trouble understanding women and what they want. So I decided to write this article in the hopes that they (and others reading) would benefit from this information and have happier wives. And we all know how the saying goes. . . (happy wife, happy life!)

3 ways to make your wife happy

1. Don’t take her for granted.

Remember everything you did for her when you were dating? And remember how after you guys got married, things just changed? Like you didn’t feel it was important anymore to continue doing what you used to do? I know that it’s easy to feel that once the chase is over, you can profess your love by just being committed to her. However, when you change, the message that you send to your wife is “You are not worthy enough for me to keep treating you that way. You are not important.”

A good way to stir up those old emotions is to realize that she may not always be there. It is true that something could happen tomorrow. Or if you are taking her for granted, she may want to leave. (I see this very often in my practice, hence this post). What I realize is that these same men start courting their wives again once their wives decide to leave. If they had only “woken up” before their wives left, they wouldn’t have to be in this situation. So practice waking up every morning thanking God that your wife is still here. Imagine that one day she won’t. Your behavior and feelings are likely to change. As well as your attitude from your wife!

2. Listen to her

Women talk to share feelings and be intimate. Men talk to dispense information. You can see why there is such a huge disconnect when women and men talk to each other. I have heard of husbands who literally do not say anything when their wife shares something with them. And what this signals to your wife is : “You don’t exist.

A lot of men feel overwhelmed when their wives share with them their feelings because they don’t know what to “do” next. When a women shares her feelings with you, she is often not asking for you to solve her problem. What she is signalling to you is that she wants to connect to you emotionally by telling you what is going on in her inner world. When you don’t respond, it is a form of rejection.

When she shares, try to put yourself in her shoes. Even if you feel the problem is petty, it’s not petty to your wife, and for that reason, it is important. A simple, ‘wow, that sounds hard.” or “I wouldn’t know what I would do if that was me” can be very powerful. Try it!

3. Be proactive

Have ownership of your family. There is a big difference between being an employee and and owner of a business. An employee cares mostly about his/her own job and duties and pleasing the boss. An owner cares about the whole company and is on the lookout for growth opportunities; an owner takes initiative, makes plans and is ahead of everyone else.

Take ownership of your family. Don’t just be on the lookout for your own needs to be met at home and to make sure you do the bare minimum so your wife stops nagging you. Have a vision and a plan. Take initiative to care for your wife and kids from the small day-to-day to the longer term goals.

That may look like washing the dishes without being asked or being the first person to tend to your crying newborn before she does. Longer term proactivity may look like initiating with your wife about what your goals are for the family and kids, or planning for their financial futures.

Anything else? Wives, what makes you happy? Husbands, what have you done to make your wives happy?

Lia Huynh San Jose and Milpitas


My life’s work is helping individuals and couples get better. I help couples restore their sense of togetherness by rediscovering their strengths as individuals, and their collective strength as a duo. And I help my individual clients to negotiate the sources of depression and anxiety, while moving them gently toward feeling a deeper sense of connection with their world. This is all done through our counseling and therapy together. 


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