Trust Building :
Connecting Is Important
Finding time to connect with our spouse is paramount to having a good marriage. Carving out the space to have a conversation about how you are really doing.
I often recommend couples who are trying to rebuild trust to have these conversations at least a few times a week. However, it is often the first thing to be put on the backburner. Kids, jobs, chores and other “musts” often take the place of connecting with our significant other.
Planning check-in times
I always tell my clients that they need to build in time to “check in.” Otherwise it will never happen. Take time to ask your spouse how they are really doing. Ask how your relationship is doing and how you can be better as a partner.
Some barriers to finding time to check-in
While some people enjoy having this time, for others, it may bring up some anxiety or even dread. Some people were not brought up in homes where they were vulnerable with each other.
Or they learned as a child growing up that opening up leads to exposure and punishment. So opening up feels scary. Some people are introverted and they just don’t know what to say. Or they don’t know how to articulate how they feel.
Make check-ins fun
I often recommend clients like this to make this time fun. You don’t have to be sitting on the kitchen counter with dirty dishes every night hashing out your feelings. Get outside, get some fresh air, or do something that would be fun so that you naturally want to start talking.
Here are some easy, fun, and cheap ways to have a check-in time. I have put some of my favorite places to connect with my spouse here in the San Jose, Milpitas and Fremont areas.
Remember, don’t just drink coffee and surf the web on your phone. Take the time to really connect. Talk about your day. Talk about how your relationship is doing.
How are you both feeling about each other? What are each of you doing that’s working? Not working? What are your hopes and dreams for the future? What makes you fearful/anxious these days?
Some ideas in the San Jose, Milpitas and Fremont areas:
- Find a cute coffee shop where you can enjoy coffee and enjoy each other.
Here are a few:
1000 S Park Victoria Dr
Milpitas, CA 95035
37323 Niles Blvd
Fremont, CA 94536
2050 Concourse Dr
San Jose, CA 95131
754 The Alameda
San Jose, CA 95126
- Take a hike and connect with nature and each other to increase trust building.
Some good trails:
43600 Mission Blvd
3100 Calaveras Rd
Milpitas, CA 95035
15350 Penitencia Creek Rd, San Jose, CA 95127
- Enjoy your dog and your spouse’s company
Some dog-friendly parks:
1782 Lancaster Dr
San Jose, CA 95124
City of Milpitas Dog Park at Ed Levin Park
Tularcito Trail, Milpitas, CA 95035
1740 Stevenson Blvd, Fremont, CA 94538
- Create art while creating connection
Some good art studios:
Color Me Mine–Pottery Painting
Address: 5337 Prospect Rd, San Jose, CA 95129
Vino Artist–group painting classes
Address: 3777 Stevens Creek Blvd #300, Santa Clara, CA 95051
Have fun trust building!
About the author: Lia Huynh is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping couples reconnect and rebuild trust in the San Jose, Milpitas and Fremont areas. If you or your spouse are still needing help finding the motivation to connect emotionally, or if you are finding the time but not connecting, marriage therapy/couples therapy can help. I have helped hundreds of couples in the San Jose, Milpitas and Fremont areas connect again. You can reach out today here or find out more about couples counseling here.