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7 Things I Learned in 7 Years of Marriage (Part 1 of 3)

I want to wish my husband of 7 years a happy anniversary! It hasn’t been a continuous joyride but definitely an adventure.  I was leery of getting married because of my own family’s history of divorce. Would we last? Each year that we survive, I thank God for His strength to not only get us through but also teach me more of what it means to love sacrificially and to “mutually submit out of reverence for Christ.” Here’s a small glimpse:

7 lessons I’ve learned in 7 years of marriage (part 1 of 3):

1.) I learned that I need to grow out of my dysfunctional fighting patterns.  In other words, stop the silent treatment. Yes, it communicated how angry I was. No, I couldn’t help it and just didn’t feel like talking. But in the end I realized it was just a game of power that I was hanging over my husband’s head.

It wasn’t fair to him, and it didn’t solve the problem. So instead of waiting for 50 what’s-wrong’s and 50 you-should-know-what-you-did’s  I started to open up after the first one. Was I still angry? Of course. But at least it got the communication going and we quit the games.

2) I learned I needed  to tame my tongue, and my own judgmental attitude.   And stop being so critical. I am a perfectionist so I am pretty critical of myself. That being said, we tend to see our spouses as extensions of ourselves, and guess who the lucky recipient of all my “constructive criticism” is? I was only trying to help my husband be the best person he can be! And he still wasn’t changing!

It came to a point where I realized that he not only wasn’t changing, but he started second guessing himself, when giving a sermon, or teaching a lesson. I realized that I am pretty affirming with people who are not my spouse, so why can’t I just be that way with my husband? We’re both much happier.

3)  I learned about the power that we have as wives to build up and tear down. As an extension of #2, I realized that what I say to him or how we are getting along affects him in the best and worst way. Meaning he takes what I say and my opinion very very seriously. This surprised me because 1)he is very laid back and 2) he is relatively secure with himself.

I got it when I read an article about husbands and wives and it was saying how men put up an armor for the workplace, but when they get home, they let that guard down. So in a sense, they are vulnerable with us, their wives. I never realized how much what I did and how I treated him affected him.

Stay tuned for part 2 of “7 Things I Learned in 7 Years of Marriage”